clarks wallabees: ugliest shoes in the world
clarks wallabees!
the ugly shoes for gorgeous YOU!

you dont have to be elsa klensch to know that the babydoll look is OVER. yeah... but now what? well duh! it's PRIME season to run the opposite direction and try to look as OLD as humanly possible, short of wearing depends. skunkheads like shalom harlow and james iha KNOW this to be true. but i figure by the time you read this, that look will be SO played. so isnt it time to beat your friends to the punch and wear a pair of Clarks?

Clarks are like the ugliest shoes on the planet. have you seen them? the wallabees? they are like stitched together by elves and have this strange sole made of what appears to be ArtGum. ...and with a name like wallabee, you begin to question the source of the leather!

anyhow.. when i was in kindergarten, this older kid whose name i forget used to discodance at lunch to the song Sir Duke by stevie wonder. i thought for sure he was the #1 koolest guy in school, and what kind of shoes did he wear?? duh! clarks wallabees! i had totally lust for those shoes at age 5, and they are actually the first item of clothing i can recall ever wanting.

flash foward 20 years and i am in med school wearing vans in the operating room and getting woozy from all the blood pooling to my legs. so naturally i called up the genius of fashion, mary clarke (she of ex-sassyhood), who suggested i get better shoes. wallabees!

have you gotten a good look at them? they are SO yucky yet strangely attractive! and they are VERY old man. comfortable. PLUS they have some bizarre features like the fakey plastic strip around the top, and the weirdout crepe sole. the main bummer is that they are totally expensive!

but the #1 sickest kind of wallabee is the mysterious black leather wallabee! oh man.. they are like nurse shoes, but totally black with the same crepe sole. and as mary said, "they dont even look like real leather"!

anyhow.. mary tells me that SHE has been craving these shoes for years, but they are unavailable in women's sizes! she tells they were really big with all the italian preppies, known as the paninare , in the late 80s. wow! how very abondanzza ! ALSO, freakboy harmony korine is known to wear them... which may make you want them MUCH more, or NOT at all!

if you are gonna fork over the cash for the gorgeous ugliness and rich history that ARE clarks wallabees, you get lots of choices!

  1. black or brown leather, or tan suede?
  2. low-top or high-top?

go for it! the elderstatesman look is SO now!

grab yrself a copy of the clarks catalog at 1800-4clarks. tell them harmony korine sent ya!
**the catalog is kinda kool just to HAVE. it is really geriatric and SEDATE. perfect reading material for those fashionable bouts of temporary incontinence!**

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