I never watch WWF wrestling, i mean.. HOW FAKE! But when i heard that there was a shocking new gay wrestler on the scene, i had to check it out! GoldDust is his name, and his story is that he is the son of famous wrestler Dusty Rhodes, and lives in Hollywood, the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah. The thing about GoldDust is that he is totally bizarre, with painted gold skin, a long platinum wig, and fright makeup, and to top it all off he is a total FLAMER! and this of course makes wrestling a zillion times more fascinating!

Bryan and i rented WrestlemaniaXII to check out the famous Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. GoldDust vendetta. Apparently the story goes that GoldDust was totally creaming over WWF president Piper, doing his trademark obscene "i touch myself" routine in front of Roddy. but then for some reason goldie flipped out and went from "hitting on" to actually physically HITTING piper. and so began an elaborate gay vs. straight battle royale!

Soon after, we get footage of Roddy exacting his revenge: a complex smear the queer routine, which involves attacking Goldie's gold cadillac with a baseball bat, tossing him around like a ragdoll, and topping it off by turning a firehose on him in a "golden shower"! HOT! just when you think the fag is bashed, goldie gets up and jumps back into the cadillac, flooring it and running Piper over! KOOL!

But it aint over! they take their fight to the wrestlemania arena for a hardkore girlfight. Goldie proceeds to humiliate Piper, forcing him into a submissive fellatio position, all the while rubbing his golden hands all over Piper's asscheeks. Then GoldDust manages to rip Piper's shirt off, and molests his body some more and finally kisses him! everyone was so excited at this point, that even the arena announcer freaked out and shouted "oh no!! IT's gonna kiss him!!!!"

After the kiss, Roddy has about 20 seconds of soul searching, trying to figure out "does this make me gay?" but then he has a MAJOR wigout, and goes ballistic on poor goldie, ripping the gold lame' suit off of him, kissing him back, and exposing golddust's shockingly disgusting sleazy black bondage lingerie!

GoldDust has to run off the stage cuz he is in ladies lingerie, and Rowdy Roddy apparently WINS! but the truth is that GoldDust actually wins cuz he made roddy gay-off in public. PLUS since then, golddust has since denounced his gayness (boo!), but has made the critical flipflop to become the kind of sexually ambiguous goodguy wrestler everyone loves! (just like ELLEN!) IM hoping that goldie goes faggy again as a grand finale, and then makes out in a battle royale orgy. thatd be HOTTTTTTTTTT!



return to